Vexations

alone again.. naturally

Hello everyone,

I wanted to do a ramble since I have a lot of thoughts in my head and can't contain them. 

I was kind of angry and stressed a while ago but I was reading an old note I wrote on my phone a year ago. I had been really down at that time and I had saw a tumblr post by Dove Cameron and it really inspired me. The idea of returning to simplicity. I really would like to travel to India since she mentioned her travels there and how life is simplistic. Sure they have cars and all the modern technology but the mindset of the people is just simplistic. My old note told me to release my anger and stress and just take a breath. I had forgotten that I had wrote that note so it was really like having a conversation with my old self.

I was in a funk as well but I just put my phone down and stepped outside. There's a really beautiful view in my backyard of hills filled with wild flowers. I've taken many photos of those hills.

I really would like a couple of dream catchers in my room. I made a dream catcher in elementary school but it's a bit crooked and the colors (obnoxiously bright green and yellow) don't really fit with the colors in my room. I think dream catchers are so beautiful and as a dreamer, I love the idea of catching a beautiful dream.

There are a couple of songs right now that I've been listening to which are from the playlist Jenny Han created for her book. My two favorites are Alone Again Naturally by Gilbert O'Sullivan and For the Longest Time by Billy Joel. I really relate to Alone Again Naturally and I think everyone can relate to it since I'm sure everyone feels completely alone at some times. For the Longest Time is just such an upbeat and fun song and puts a big smile on my face. Both these songs make me want to break into a dance. I recommend giving that playlist a listen since there are so many great songs on there. There's a wonderful fan adaption of To All  the Boys I've Loved Before by Yulin Kuang on YouTube. It's just a short film of Lara explaining her letters. The actress who plays her is Chanel Marriott and she actually liked two of my photos on Instagram. Got so excited I even screenshot the moment haha.

I'll start putting links of important pages on my "meet mel" page that I'll update. The songs, short film, and tumblr page will be posted there. 

This post was all over the place but I wanted to just release my thoughts. Hope you all have a wonderful day.

 ☾ ☼

We're Back | Updates

Hi everyone,

It has been a really long time since I have updated. I wanted to wish everyone a (very late) Happy New Year. I apologize for the lack of blog posts over the last few months. I've been working on school and haven't had the motivation to blog. I also messed up my blogger account, as I was trying to transfer the blog to a different account but kyoung helped me come back to this account again.

Currently there's a hive of bees in my chimney and they are everywhere. I have found two dying bees in my house. >_<

I've read a couple of books over the weekend so I have some book reviews planned. So be sure to look out for those.

Hope you are all having a great day and I'll be posting a new blog post very soon!

happiness takes effort

Hi everone

This blog post was inspired by the wonderful Kassie, from cloudyapples.

So I recently have been quite stressed and worried. Sometimes I get consumed over my own worries and problems.

The same goes for a bad day. those days when nothing is going right. and it's not even like something devastating happened, it's just those little things pile up and that day becomes a bad day.

I've also been through some pretty rough things and sadness just sucked me in and took over.

I'm not saying that I never allow myself to have a bad day, because honestly, we have to have bad days to have good days. but if that is something that becomes repetitive or constant in your life, I think it's important to step out and evaluate.

Sometimes I'll feel sad and I'll think why is life like this? I wish things could be better, things like that. but it's really up to me to make things better. view things in a positive way.

It's not that I don't ever feel sad, but if I want to be happy, I'll have to put in some effort. ^_~

As Kassie mentioned, I also used to think that someday, things would get better, but they don't. I'm never going to be happy unless I hold on to everything positive I encounter.

Whenever I feel worried, stressed, or unhappy, I just think about how grateful I am for every little thing. I'm so grateful that I'm not hungry or sick.

I try to be in a mindset that thinks that everyday will be beautiful. even if I'm just going to be staying at home or just going to class, everyday is a gift. even if it's just an ordinary, mundane day in my life. I try view it as an adventure.

I hope you enjoyed today's blog post. thank you for reading! <3

gossip

hi everybody!

so this blog post is kind of a reply/part 2 to kyoung's, her post really inspired me and I wanted to add to it.

my experience with gossip...

so I had some friends that weren't really friends, who always said mean things about other people when that person wasn't there. I always felt like they were talking behind me back once I left the room because they always talked about someone then act like they were that person's friend. I have to admit that I'm guilty of joining into gossip and it's something I'm really ashamed of. Something that I've learned about gossip is that the person your talking bad about will most likely find out. And it ruins friendships.

gossip made me very self-conscious, I always felt like I was being judged. I was very aware of everything and couldn't trust people because I felt that people were saying thing behind my back.

gossip also lead to a lot of drama and stress that could have been prevented.

I believe people gossip out of jealousy. There are other factors as well, maybe out of anger or just boredom. 

how to deal with it?

I'm no expert and I still make mistakes, everyone does. I've experienced a lot of people who will tell people they're wrong and they will do exactly the same. I dont want to be that person who is quick to tell people what they are doing wrong.

but from what I've experienced, finding the right friends is very important. once I left that group of gossipy friends, all the drama ceased. I felt influenced to gossip when I was around gossipy people and when I found better friends, I never argued or got stressed because of them. friends are supposed to make you happy and laugh, not cry and worry.

I regret caring so much about what other people said about me and wasting my time feeling stressed about it. Looking back at it, it's almost funny.

if you feel like your being gossiped about, something I recommend is to find something better to do. This is pretty hard for me, I always try to tell myself that it doesn't matter what people think, but sometimes it's really hard to have that conscience.

however, when I find myself wrapped up in a good book, busy playing an instrument, cooking, exercising, writing, etc., I don't think about what other people are thinking. I'm too busy focusing on what I'm doing.

but for me, the biggest thing is surrounding myself with good company. people who have better things to do than stand around and talk about other people.

so I hope this blog post kind of helped you? make sure to go check out xia's post by clicking here.

thanks for reading!

friends

      "Friendship is not about whom you've known the longest, but about those who has never left your side."

Sometimes, I lay in bed all scared and nervous for the future.
I feel that in school, I will sit by myself with all my friends with new friends.
People say, "Everything dies."
But I know deep inside my heart, the love that you have for your friends won't.
As I'm writing this, I know who in my group of friends will probably leave. (which is all)
But I really hope those who I really guard and love won't leave me.
Maybe it may happen for a reason, it's fate.
I'm selfish so I don't want to let go. I know as I'm writing this, a year later the ones I'm hanging around will not be the same.
I'm scared.
I treasure my precious friends that I would even take my life for them.
I love you guys so much and it scares me thinking about our departure.
But, pretties, we can't decide our fate.
I'm sorry I can be mean, annoying, trashy, and a jerk.
I'm sorry that I can't be the one you guys always look foward to see everyday or depend on me all the time.
I'm sorry I can't be a good friend.
I know you guys hate me, but I'll always love you.
I'll be there when you guys tell me about your first kiss, your first love, your first breakup, and you walking down the aisle with your loved ones.
My body won't be there maybe, but my heart will.
We will seperate, people always say we can't keep everything forever.
But we can try, right?

life online

hey everyone

so for several weeks now I've been thinking about what I'm about to post.

so this is going to be a very jumbled and kind of hypocritical post. but we're all hypocrites so don't judge. x)

basically what I want to talk about is your life online. I've realized that I kind of have a problem with the virtual world. I spend most of my time and energy on the internet. this is so ironic because I'm on the laptop right now blogging, but I don't shame the virtual world,  I just think that some people should spend less time on the internet.

now, the internet is pretty much magic. it allows us to talk to people across the world. it is very convenient and gives us quick access to things that would take days of time. I love the internet because I can share my thoughts like I'm doing right now. There's so much fun content on the internet that we can watch, read, etc. Personally, I spend a lot of time on the internet.

But how much is too much?

I don't think spending time on the computer is wrong, I just think some people, including myself, spend too much time on it. It' something that I'm still working on. Especially during the summer when I'm at home I just find myself on the internet because what else should I do?

but something I'm trying to do more often is getting out there and experiencing life, not through a screen. I guess I sound a bit dramatic but it's true for me. I spend far too much time staring at a screen and I want to try to spend more time outside, enjoying the summer.

spending too much time staring at a screen is bad for your eyes and the electronic device also gives off radiation. It's not life threatening but it's definitely not healthy.

the reason why I posted the summer activities post was because I wanted to do more things instead of being in front of a computer screen.

so I hope this post kind of inspires you to step out of your home and spend time outside. there's nothing wrong with the internet but spending too much time in front of a screen is unhealthy for you. and I hope I don't sound to preachy in this video, this post is also a wake-up call for me. I'm definitely guilty of staring at the screen for hours. but it's something I'm definitely going to work on! ^_^

I hope you enjoyed this blog post. I know it's a bit ironic that I'm saying this through a screen but it's just something that was on my mind and I hope to improve!

thank you so much for reading and check out xia's wonderful posts yesterday if you would like to read more posts like this!

p.s. this is totally random but "lovin' it" and "better left unsaid" have been stuck in my head for hours hehe. but they are great songs so not complaining! 

death

Wow, I am back after a minute writing my future post because I originally meant to write my death post but somehow my future post got published first. I said earlier if you read my future post that I am not the best person at explaining or philosophical person. But I wanted to share my thoughts with you because so many people fear death.

My friend Mels kind of inspired me to write this post. I can't convince either, but atleast I can try?

Death is one of the most unfair and scariest topics out there in my opinion. I might sound all yolo in this post but that's really you'll understand one day.

Let's talk about you, you probably lie down in bed thinking about death. Maybe not yours, but your family members, random strangers, your pet. (sorry if i got way too personal) And it scares you, so much. You don't now when someone dies, for all who knows I might die in the next day. But whats important is YOU in the present, RIGHT NOW. You are wasting your precious time to live your days to the fullest by thinking of death. If you waste your time right now, what will you think about when you die? On how you're dying? 

I wish that you would spend your precious time, living to the fullest. (I hate how that sounds I sound so wanna be yolo guruidnsdma) But, it's actually the truth. When you are older, you cannot do things you are able to do now. You won't be able to hang out with your friends as often, joke around, get a job, possibly even read. 

Why are you wasting your time, thinking about death? You are living the present, the future is something that should not be feared. To be honest, it drives me crazy on how you are fearing death and trust me, even though you don't even know me personally. I would perish for all of you for you to live in peace.

Death is inevitable (dont bring up some immortal sayings right now) and you really can't do anything about death. 

You will regret thinking about your fear for death. You should not be wasting your time thinking about that, but doing something that will only make you happier in the future.

I know this may not have anything to do with this post, but some habits in order to stop, you just have to stop thinking about it. Same goes for your thoughts. That quote that goes like death leaves a heartache no one can heal but love leaves memories no one can steal. Make memories sweetheart, go live your live to fullest. 

Fear is only holding you back, Fear is something you can overcome. After you overcome it, there are so much better things waiting for you ahead. Don't be scared, please. You are stronger, and thinking about something that's holding you back is ridiculous. 

I don't think I got to my conclusion and my reasons not to be scared because I told you I can't process anything right now.

You are fearless.

And you for sure know that the best.